Right now I’m in Minnesota. I flew in on Wednesday and will stay until a week from Thursday. This visit has felt strangely like an ongoing interview pertaining to my transgendered nature. It’s understandable; the people I know in MN I see only a few times a year, and, just as I am curious about their lives, they are curious about mine. And as I’m sure any trannies out there know, there are “good questions” and “bad questions”. The good questions stem from curiousity, a genuine desire to understand. The bad questions quietly say, “You’re making the wrong decision,” or, “This is so weird,” or, “How will I explain this to my friends and family?” I truly enjoy answering the good questions; they’re a whole lot better than the uncomfortable silence when folks are unsure if they should cross that boundary or not. But choosing between a big purple trans elephant in the room and the bad questions is a tough call. Here are my RATQ (recently asked tranny questions):
Can I ask you about it? Yes. Always. Of course (especially when you preface it with this obviously caring and polite statement).
What kind of underwear do you wear? Heh. Boxers.
Do you feel different being on testosterone? Yep. I’m hungry for red meat and eggs. (And I’m horny…but sometimes I don’t include that in the answer :). I also feel happy…that’s not so different. I’m a pretty happy person. But I feel excited for the changes that are coming, too.
Why do you feel like you have to do this if you’re already happy? What a good question. No, I’m not suicidal. I’m not depressed about my birth sex. In fact I’m content, I’m happy, I’m lucky, I love my life. That doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be better if my gender matched my appearance. That doesn’t mean that I feel right in this body, being perceived as female. This question may be impossible to answer; you’re asking me why I’m transitioning. I’m transitioning because I’m a guy. Wouldn’t you want to transition if you were me?
Do your parents know? How’d they take the news? Yes. They asked the previous question (and many others). They’re dealing with it better than most parents, but that doesn’t mean they’re thrilled about it, or even accepting it yet.
What should I call you now? It’s so hard not to think of you as Anna. Yeah, I know. I’ve known the folks in MN for so long. It’s okay if you make a mistake — I won’t be offended. I wish we saw each other more often so you’d have a chance to get to know Adrian a little better. It’s hard being “Anna” and “she” when I’ve been “Adrian” and “he” at home for so many months. It’s probably shocking to you, my MN friends, that my friends in SD almost never slip, even with pronouns. I know you’re trying; hey, it’s a transition for both of us.
What bathroom do you use now? Depends on where I am. If I’m in a place where I can tell I’m being read as male, I use the men’s restroom. Otherwise I usually stick with the women’s for now. It’s safer and less smelly.
In this one Facebook picture it looked like you didn’t have any boobs. Do you still have them? Yes, I do. The effect you saw comes from what’s called a binder, which looks and feels like a really tight tank top, and is made for FTMs like me.
Are you going to have surgery? There are two categories of FTM surgery: top and bottom. The former refers to breast removal, the latter to genital. I definitely want the former as soon as possible (probably next May), and definitely do not want the latter.
Are the T and surgery expensive? My insurance covers a good portion of it, so it’s a lot less expensive than it otherwise would be.
What do you do when you’re swimming? I wear board shorts and a women’s swimming top, shaped like a tank top. When I surf or swim in the ocean I wear a wetsuit. When I swim in the pool I wear a regular women’s swimsuit.
What do you do when you work out? I wear a sports bra and I don’t bind.
Who are you going to date? Doesn’t this limit your options? Yeah, I suppose it does, but it limits them to the group of people I would want to be with anyway. We all have a limited set to choose from, based on who we’re attracted to, who is attracted to us, our interests, our physical locations, and yes, our genders and sexes. I date men, and I date women. I date trans and cis people. I date people who are open-minded. Sometimes I experience the common fear of ending up alone, but underneath it all, I have faith that what will happen will happen, and the person who’s right for me is probably floating around out there.
Will you get taller? Heh, I wish. Nope.
Will you grow facial hair? God and genetics willing, yes.
When will your voice drop? Incrementally, starting very soon.
Will you go bald? God and genetics willing, no. My brother hasn’t, so most likely I won’t either.
Is testosterone healthy? It’s just as healthy for me as it is for any other guy.
Should you be mixing T with alcohol? Heh, this was from a male friend I was drinking with. If you can do it, so can I (and no, it’s not harmful).
Do you feel like the same person you were before? I feel more like myself now than I ever have before. When I was very feminine, I felt like I was an actor playing a part. I was responding to cues in order to fit in. Then, one day, I decided to look the way I wanted to look and dress how I wanted to dress — screw what everyone else thinks. That’s what I did and have done ever since, and the journey has taken me down this particular path. I am growing into myself, growing up into the man that I am. He’s not different than Anna, really, he was just muffled for awhile.
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Trans* 